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Over the past few weeks, the issue of civility and respect has been raised by the inmates and has been a prime topic of discussion amongst the bored members. All too often, we are asked to take sides and choose who is right or wrong in these conflicts when most often there is no right or wrong, just varying degress of wrongness and incivility. We then find ourselves spending a great deal of time mediating these disputes with one or both parties often without mutual agreement between the parties and without ultimately resolving the issues. These unresolved differences often then lead to recurring conflicts.Therefore, the management has adopted a new policy. The policy stems from a desire to remove the Bored from being in the position of frequently making the decisions related to the inter-personal conflicts that arise on the various wards.
Background:
There is, perhaps, nothing more common than conflict. Constructively viewed, conflict can be seen as resulting from
- varied perspectives on the situation;
- differing belief systems and values resulting from participant's accumulated life experience and conditioning; and
- differing objectives and interests.
It is no accident that we most often find ourselves in conflict with those with whom we spend the most time - family, friends, business associates, and fellow inmates. In terms of overall life quality, there is a great benefit in being able to constructively resolve conflict with those around us.Given:
The Bored is not the keeper of the inmates; rather, it is the keeper of the following mission and values:MISSION
- To promote a healthy and vibrant learning community.
VALUES
- Be open to participation from all who wish to learn and be helpful.
- Appreciate diverse opinions and those who share them respectfully.
Resolution:
The policy shall be known as KFHAAA" the "Keeping the Fun and Harmony at AA alive" policy. The goals are to remove the burden of mediating disputes between inmates from the Bored and put the responsibility for playing well with others where it belongs. There are simply too many patients and too little time for us to hear out each and every case. There are also issues of friendship between members of the Bored and certain inmates than can cloud an effective mediation. Consequently, we have chosen to turn the issue back to those to whom it belongs: the disputants themselves.If you think about it, it is through conflict we have the chance to be creatively self-defining. If nothing else, conflict allows us to do things differently in the future. Through the resolution of conflict, we can, if we choose, evolve and redefine ourselves, our relationships, our community, our society and our world.
Procedure
It works like this:
When two inmates (registered or otherwise) choose to engage in what the Bored perceives to be a counterproductive (remember that conflicts can be good for all concerned - when managed well) and escalating conflict they will be given a "time out" from participation at the Asylum.During the "time out," (which will last as long as it takes to get things sorted through between the respective parties) it is the responsibility of the disputants to engage in face-to-face, phone or e-mail exchanges that lead to a written agreement about how they will respectfully co-exist on any and all of the various wards in our institution. Upon request, the disputants will be mailed a "self-mediation guide," which they may choose to use in structuring the proceedings or discard.
In any event the agreement:
- does not (in most cases) come in the form of an apology from one inmate to another.
- cannot be the result of one inmate coercing another.
- does not drag up the past or place blame.
- does not necessarily resolve tensions between parties. The resolution may just align matters enough to allow each participant to make enough progress toward his or her desired ends to prefer declaring there to be a "a state of agreement" rather than the uncertain and stressful "state of disagreement."
The agreement:
- does represent a convergence of means (or arrangements for the future), not necessarily participants' interests or perspectives. Participants will commonly come to support the same arrangement or agreement for very different reasons.
- must indicate, in a clear and behaviorally-measurable manner, what the disputants will do to avoid future, non-productive conflicts.
- must also indicate a clear understanding among the disputants of what will happen if either of them violate the terms agreed upon. Failure to attend to the latter aspects of the agreement will leave the Bored no recourse other than an immediate ban for the disputant in violation.
Each inmate's interests, positive intentions and desired outcomes must be explored in an effort to solve the problems in a maximizing way. Participants are expected to modify and develop their original views as the agreement develops.The written agreement shall be mailed to the Bored and reviewed. If the Bored finds the agreement workable, the disputants shall be allowed to post again. The agreement does not have to look like a love/hug-fest. It must, however, clearly define the behaviors the disputants agree to engage in order to avoid future conflicts. Violations of such agreements will be deemed cause for another "time-out," the duration of which shall be determined by the Bored.
Note: If any disputant is determined by the Bored to not be participating in a "good faith manner to keep the fun and harmony at AA alive," that inmate will continue to be restricted from posting at the Asylum. It will then be incumbent upon the inmate(s) acting in good faith disputant to reach an agreement with the Bored about the terms of reinstatement to post in an unencumbered fashion at the Asylum. All decisions of the Bored are final.
Comments:
This post will be closed to follow-ups. In the decision-making hierarchy, this is an autocratic decision, in that it is not consultative or open to public discussion. Any threads which develop in the next 48 hours to address the new policy will be removed. Those inmates wishing to provide input on the policy may do so through the comment feature at the bottom of the post box. All comments delivered via e-mail through the comment feature will be taken into consideration We do welcome your ideas and comments, but will not entertain a wholesale debate of the decision at this time.
Follow Ups:
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